Lesson 2. In the Classroom.
1) Wire your ipod earphones under the front of your shirt. Turn up the volume when anyone is speaking who is not you. It's just not worth your time when you could be listening to Dave Matthews.
2) Disdain any author you are asked to read, or any assignment emulating their work. Throw up your hands, lean back in your chair and exclaim, "I'm just not seeing the merit in their work!" The more famous, the older, the deader: the better. Hemmingway, Dumas, and Steinbeck are great targets.
3) Use an obnoxious format or grammar-style when writing an essay. Italicizing the entire text is a good one. When the idiot revisions of your classmates and teacher come back to you, fight tooth and nail. They just don't see the vision. Consider writing your next piece in first person, using a dialect.
4) Constantly refer to your "career in print communication" and "professional work" writing for an angsty indie newspaper only circulated at Food Co-ops and vinyl record stores.
5) Disagree with your professor. Police all comments that do not coincide with your views. Interrupt them when you have to. They're only teaching because they couldn't get published anyway.
Make sure to groan whenever any reference to Twilight is made. Ignore the fact that it is out of your genre of choice, and that you are outside of its target age and audience, but do not ignore the book. Name some of the greatest authors in history and compare them to Stephanie Meyer.
Anyone have any suggestions to aspiring classroom Dicks?
Stay tuned for Lesson 3: Dick at the Movies!